Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Terrible idea I love it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
