your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
