So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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