yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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