my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
