did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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