Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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