oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
