just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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