You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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