I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
