ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found your dick twin last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
