he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
