Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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