your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
