You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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