is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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