How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
