absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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