Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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