Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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