just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
