I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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