Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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