Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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