Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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