hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish my penis had an off switch
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
