just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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