I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
