I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
