Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
