I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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