Already got asked if we're dating
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
