Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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