You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
