Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
