She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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