You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
