but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
