I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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