i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
