Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I didn't notice because vodka
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize