Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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