WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
