her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize