I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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