Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
