The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
