I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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