I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
