i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
