I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
