There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
