Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
