You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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