i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize