dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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