Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
