When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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