I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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