so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
