what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
