the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
