she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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