His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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